Continuing The Cycle
by lilramona
Summary: AU yoai hints noncon & lemon kyo is abused sexually and physically by a relitive while the new kid at his school Haru tries to help him. going to be better then it sounds
1. chapter one

Hi first lemon lemon skittles come flying out of no where and start pelting the authoress and first fruits basket fic.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own fruits basket (I also have issues with spelling it thank the god of spell check I bow down to you I'd be lost with out you)

WARNINGS: lemon and yoai can't deal don't read.

I lay gasping and in pain as I felt his sweaty body roll off of me. He smirked down at me eyes filled with malice and twisted satisfaction at seeing me in pain. His fingertips brushed my skin lightly tracing the muscles on my stomach, and steadily heading lower. He brushed my inner thigh. I jerked violently straining my arms bound above my head. He smirked and straddled my hips grinding himself into me while reaching up for the bandana binding my wrists to the headboard. His pink tongue flicked out tasting my skin his head buried into the crook of my neck as his fingers tugged at the banana freeing my wrists. He placed a lingering kiss on my mouth, and then slipped silently to the door, turned towards me and whispered two words to me, then leaving as silently as he had come.

"Kuso Neko."

Oh yeah what now first chapter and this story isn't a humor marry sue fic what now! What now? I hope you liked it I'll post the second chapter soon since I already wrote it and its longer then this one go me! I'd really like it if you would review and I also won't freak out if you wish to beta for me cuz the A/N's show my normal grammar if I don't go back and correct it I'm a lazy ass I know and a lot of the correct stuff here is because it's all auto correct I'm normally just the creative input while some one else reads it over. Also feel free to point out my mistakes. This is also the first thing I've ever done remotely resembling a lemon so don't kill me over it. Please? And REVIEW make me happy. . author notes will also be a lot shorter in the future. (I hate them with a passion so they'll be to the point)

Ja ne lilramona


	2. chapter two

"YOU DAMNED RAT! What'd you say about me?" I screamed at the damned Yuki not thinking about the consequences later. Yuki looked at me with a seemingly blank stare but deep in his eyes I could see him planning something for later.  
"Breakfast is ready," chirped Tohru my sister coming into the dining room and placing a western styled breakfast in front of us.

"Good morning!" she said sitting down.

After that we ate in silence, and then headed off to school. Yuki my slightly older cousin went off to go do something to do with being the student council president. Tohru went over to her two best friends Hana and Uo, wave girl and the damned Yankee. Once the two of them were out of eyesight I went off to a secluded corner of the courtyard.

I sat down on a bench and buried my head in my hands trying to block out what had happened last night. As the images flashed unbidden through my mind I shook violently gasping for breath, and trying to cover it up, only making it harder to breathe. I slid off the bench gasping for breath as the tears I tried so desperately to control slid down my cheeks.

An arm wrapped itself around my torso pulling me out of the fetal position I had been in. The arm that had been holding me was now rubbing my back gently attempting to calm me down enough to get myself back under control again. I stayed where I was praying that it wasn't Tohru holding me not wanting to lie to her but also unable to tell her the truth. I looked at the chest of the person holding me. It was flat no sign of breasts and obviously male. I slowly lifted my head and looked at the person holding me it was a boy younger than me with white hair and lots of gothic jewelry. He smiled down at me gently, and rubbed my back in what was supposed to be a calming manner. However I jerked back violently almost falling backwards, and stumbled to my feet. I glared down at him, as he began to calmly stand up, and stormed off toward my home room.

I didn't see Yuki, thankfully being in a different class then him, or the guy with white hair all morning. I was in a slightly better mood when I went to my locker before lunch, and managed to get it open on the first try for a change. I threw my books into my locker, and leaned in to grab the books I needed for my afternoon classes, when something violently shoved me forward into my locker causing me to crack my head on the inside of my locker. I spun around quickly to see my attacker however colored splotches swam in front of my eyes. I was shoved back with a rough kiss. I stumbled back into my locker tripping on my book now scattered on the floor. Loosing my balance I started to slide down the inside of my locker, as my attacker forced his tongue into my mouth. I slide farther down my locker he grabbed my crotch and roughly started to fondle me. I jerked back going nowhere as my locker wall remained unyielding. My attacker dropped me and I fell into a shaking heap in side of my locker.

I looked up, and saw the white haired boy from before staring down at me as I tried to control my shaking body. The boy sat down on his haunches, and reached towards me. His fingers ghosted over my cheek a sad half smile forming on his face, as I blinked back at him stupidly. I saw his lips move but didn't register anything he was saying.

Huh?" I asked trying to focus in on what he was saying.

"Are you ok?" he asked me his smile growing slightly.

I opened my mouth to respond but I was at a loss for what to say as I stopped to think about the answer

'Was I ok? About to die no…but certainly not ok. I was sitting in the bottom of my locker trying to stop uncontrolled shaking. Generally not considered ok.'

"I'll survive not like I haven't been," I finally settled on. The boy's expression saddened once more as he watched me.

"Haru."

"what?" I asked lost as to what was going on.

"Har-oo. That's my name Haru," he said his expression lightening slightly.

"Kyo," I replied clueing in to the conversation, if you can call it that, finally.

The boy—Haru grabbed my wrists and pulled me up out of my locker, smiled, and walked away down the hallway leaving me at a loss as to what had just happened once again. I looked down at my books and sighed as I gathered up my books and headed off to lunch.

Ha two chapters in one day. Now I a going to do the cruelest thing an author can do…make you wait until I get enough reviews until I update. Only one of my friends will be counted as a review…actually two. So pretty much I only need three people that I don't know to review this story and you'll get the next chapter (hey at least I can guarantee two reviews out of five) beta offers are more then welcome as well as constructive criticism where as flames will be played with and then the writer will be hunted down and eaten and then washed down with their review…actually I'll do what I do to everyone/thing in life flip them off tell them to go to hell the ignore the fact that they even exist.


	3. chapter three

I love all my reviewers they made me so happy when they canceled the Billy Idol concert

NIKKLER, Giddy you're the first two reviews I got after I found out they canceled the concert they made me so happy. (and calmed me down a bit)

CHICKEN SOP KILLER I write during class and I like short chapters cuz then I can update more often and that makes everyone happy but this one is longer see longer happy?

NOONE tell me your guess you might be right my friend knows the answer cuz she saw the original version f chapter 2 where I mention who it is if you aren't super dense you also reminded me of one of the comments I had in there but not everything is as it seems. . and if you kill me for the answer you'll never get to the comfort part of this hurt and comfort fic (they need to add that as a category)

NORI NOSHOHIME what does your name mean? And I don't want to be bacon. I DON'T WANTS TO BE BACON! WAH besides there isn't enough fat on me to make good bacon and everyone knows that's the best part!

There was a weight on my chest and I struggled to breathe.

"Wake the fuck up," a voice above me growled out.

Groggily I tried to open my eyes but began to quickly sink back into sleep. A fist connected solidly with my ribs, a loud crack heard through out the room. Another fist came flying at my face I tried feebly to block it while fighting the urge to vomit from the broken ribs. Unable to efficiently protect myself the fist jerked my head sideways, blood welling up in my mouth. I spat the blood out sideways over the edge of my bed hitting the floor with a wet splat. He grabbed my hair hauling me off the bed forcing me to attempt to stand on my own. I swayed for a few seconds before collapsing to my knees on the floor looking up at him gasping for breath. He smirked down at me before his foot swung out at me slamming into my face toppling me backwards on to my back. His foot landed on my chest compressing my ribs almost to the point of breaking, as well as causing the broken one to jab painfully into my flesh. He reached down to the floor and picked up the studded belt I was wearing earlier. I attempted to struggle free before he could hit me with the belt. However his reaction time was better then mine in my weakened state, he lifted his foot off of me and swung the belt down cracking it against my injured ribs. Gasping in pain I curled up in an attempt to protect my ribs form more injuries. The blows however continued to rain down on him hitting anywhere that was left uncovered.

After he had gotten bored with the belt he tossed it off to the side and walked over to my pants and began to rummage through the pockets. Pulling out my lighter he reached into his own pocket and removed a metal cat shaped pendant. He lit the lighter and held the pendant up to it watching with a sick gleam in his eyes as the pendant slowly turned red with heat. Once the pendant had turned white from the heat he unbuttoned my shirt one handed, shoved the bandana form the night before into my mouth, flipped me onto my stomach, and pressed the pendant into my shoulder blade. I screamed out in pain against the gag tears pricking at my eyes as I struggled to get away form the searing pain. Once the metal had cooled down he peeled it away from my back taking layers of skin with it. I laid crumpled on the ground struggling to breathe around the gag and praying my screams hadn't woken anyone else in the house. The gag was removed, and he left leaving me crumpled on the floor unable to move. Thinking he had gone for the night I passed out where I was.

Later that night I was shaken awake. I looked up to find him kneeling over me. I struggled to sit up and face him but to no avail. He grabbed my forearm fingers digging into my skin and hauled me up and over to my bed. I struggled weakly to get free of him; his grip shifted digging his finger into the pressure point in my elbow causing me to gasp and attempt to curl up.

"you will cooperate is this clear?" he said through gritted teeth digging his fingers deeper into my skin with every word. I nodded mutely trying to suppress the pain and tears. "I can't hear you," he ground out wrenching my arm behind my back and pulling my shoulder out of its socket.

"okay," I gasped out the tears now falling from my eyes despite my efforts to stop them. I tried to hide them knowing that they would anger him further, taking gasping breaths causing even more tears flowing instead of stopping.

He saw my tears however and dug his thumb into the burn in my back, "you are not to tell anyone of any of this, understood?"

I nodded weakly and he dug his thumb even further into my wound just before passing out an image of Haru flashed before my eyes.

I woke up to the feel of a wet cloth going over the burn on my back and instinctively jerked away from the touch almost toppling off the side of my bed. Strong arms however wrapped around me and pulled me back just inches away from the floor.

"Let me finish cleaning you up," a stern voice said from behind me. I looked back over my shoulder to see Shigure holding a bloodied towel. I looked at him confused.

"Tohru would worry," was all the response I got as he went back to cleaning out the burn. Once he had finished cleaning and bandaging the wound he bound up my ribs. He then made an attempt to grab my arm to pull it back into the socket but I jerked away shaking my head. He shoved me down so that my face was pressed into the pillow as he yanked back on my left arm popping it back into the socket.

"Don't use that arm," was all that was said as he left the room.

I shuddered and gasped into my pillow. I then rolled over the sun was only just rising and looked at my alarm clock. I stilled had two hours before I had to get up for school.

Unable to fall back asleep I thought about Haru. 'Why hell did he always turn up when I was in the middle of falling to pieces? (A/N gaydar? Kyodar? .) Where did he even come from? He wasn't in our school before yesterday! What year is he in? Defiantly not mine. Maybe in first?

I want a shrubbery! And also five more reviews one of them a new reviewer! To make me feel special and seeing as my friends didn't review wah any of them reviewing will be included into the count now. I'm making my best friend review when she sleeps over 2mrw check out her story (I'm the inspiration all my idea) I'm posting the second chapter of her story 2mrw 2 I wrote that oneyou can tell the difference in writeing styles maybe not we're pretty similar. Anyway check her out snowbunny3 and REVIEW!


	4. chapter four

Its true I write best at night when other people can barely bother with thinking or being creative I'm wide awake and in the best mood of the day! Longest chapter yet!

NIKKLER'S BETA hey I'll write longer chapters on the weekend could you beta my story too cuz I'm just not that great at grammar or spelling or anything that isn't creative input yeah my English teacher is being driven insane cuz I have interesting stories with almost no punctuation cuz that's how I talk.

JAWX THORN I'm so mad at you I live in a place that snows but we don't plan on it cuz our governor is gay. no seriously he was. We still have like three/four weeks left of school damn snow days. I wasn't offend about the short chapter comment the only time I get offended by short comments is when its about my height so don't worry. Yeah I'm a girl version of Edward Elric how cool am I? I'll update like every other day cuz I mostly write during class big innocent eyes

Oh yeah I told my friend Ian I'd put him in the story to get him to read and review (I'm just planning on freaking him out about the plot. I was going to do it 2 my friend since preschool but his girlfriend yelled at me (she however loves my story she's just being evil and not reviewing.)) sooo

Ian: I'm in the story. Don't do it bad things'll happen

I struggled out of bed apparently having drifted back off to sleep after Shigure's visit. My shoulder was killing me I could barely move it, and every time the fabric shifted I could feel it scrape against the burn even through the bandages. I stumbled out of my bed and over to my closet trying to get my eyes to focus. Once I reached the closet I leaned against the door to catch my breath, and then started to go through my clothes searching for my black fishnet top. Once I found it I struggled to pull it on without agitating my shoulder however I almost ended up passing out from the pain as I stretched the burn and twisted my shoulder weird. The shirt finally being on it effectively severed its purpose of covering up the bruises and welts form the belt that Shigure had neglected to take care of and staying in place as to not irritate my burn. I then searched for a button up shirt so to avoid another incident like the one with the fishnets. I found a short sleeved black button up shirt that thankfully had been recently washed by Tohru. I then reached blindly into my closet and pulled out a random pair of pants and pulled them on hissing through my teeth as they rubbed against the welts on my legs.

I then went down stairs to be greeted with the sight of everyone else eating breakfast and Yuki calling Shigure a pervert. He was but I'm not going to tell him that after him letting me and Tohru stay with him.

"Kyo are you ok?" Tohru asked staring at me worried as I eased myself to the ground trying not to wince.

"Yeah," I muttered not looking up at her to ashamed at what has been happening to look her in the eye. Once we finished breakfast we headed off toward school with snow staring to fall down around us and me lagging farther and farther behind Tohru and Yuki.

"Kyo are you ok? Are you sick?" Tohru asked putting the back of her palm against my forehead worriedly.

"I'm fine just tired. Go on ahead I'll meet up with you at the school ok?"

"Ok," Tohru replied dejectedly before running to catch up with Yuki.

As I walked getting slower and slower Tohru and Yuki disappeared out of eyesight ahead of me. Halfway to the school I began to sway where I had stopped to try and get my eyed to focus again. I then collapsed backwards gasping out in pain. I stared up at the snow flakes swirling down around me.

'I should just stay here. It's not like I'm doing anybody any good. If I can't defend my self how am I supposed to keep Tohru safe? She's my sister but Yuki does a better job at protecting her than I do. I can't even offer any thing to this world or any one in it. All I'm good for is having other people use me for their pleasure I know this I have for a while now,' I continued to stare up at the sky with these thoughts swirling around my head as I slowly grew colder and lost consciousness my last thought before passing out was that Haru was standing over me.

I struggled to open my eyes however soon giving up and snuggling into the warmth at my back.

The next time I woke up I was gasping for air that just wouldn't come. There was a voice somewhere near me trying to tell me something. I cracked open my eyes to see a blurry form above me before letting them slip shut again. The voice started to fade in and out becoming slightly hysterical now. The warmth that had been on me was pulled away and my breathing came just barely easier I began t panic despite my wish for death or something better my body responded on its own struggling even harder now to get air into my lungs. I began to panic making my breaths even shallower as my body tried desperately to get air. The voice came back demanding but noticeably tinged with barely suppressed panic. Then someone's weight was added to the bed causing it to shift. Arms wrapped around me forcing me into a sitting position relieving some of the pressure on my chest.

"Relax, relax it's ok it's going to be ok. Don't worry try to calm down. You HAVE to calm down. You're panicking and making it harder. Relax, just inhale slowly, see slowly, your ok, now exhale. Just keep doing that," the voice said behind me sounding like they were trying to calm them self down just as much as they were me. After a few minutes I managed to get my breathing back to normal, and who ever had been holding me slumped against my back causing me to jerk forward.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry I didn't know you were that hurt. Let me take a look I can help," the voice said pulling away from me and shifting to the side and beginning to lift my shirt up over my head.

"'m ok. I'm ok just leave me alone," I said shivering just then realizing how cold I was and how much pain I was really in.

"No your not just let me have a look. You almost froze to death, have a fever and on top of that are hurt," the owner of the voice gently tugged my shirt up over my head as I grit my teeth in pain.

"Who are you?" I asked before they could start to unravel my bandages revealing all the damage.

"Mhm? Oh I thought you knew. You called out my name while you trying to breath."

"I did? That still doesn't answer my question though," I said as he (it was defiantly a male voice) began unwrapping the bandages carefully.

"Yes you did, and I'm Haru. You met me three days ago."

"Three- What? That was yesterday!" I practically shouted turning around to look him in the eye.

"You've been unconscious suffering from hypothermia for the past two day and the day before that we met so yes three days ago. Now turn around and let me finish taking these bandages off they need to be changed. If I knew you were hurt I would have done that first," Haru said worry noticeably bleeding through his calm demeanor.

I took one last look at him before turning around and allowing him to finish unwrapping my bandages. Once the bandages had been removed I could sense his eyes roaming over my back and scars and wounds there from almost six months of abuse. I could sense his fingers reaching forward to touch the marks there but stopping less then an inch away as if waiting for permission to continue.

"Just go ahead," I mumbled not bothering to look up or turn around.

His fingers brushed softly against the older marks tracing the patterns left there. His fingers steadily moved upwards and across my back stopping just below the burn on my shoulder. His hand then pulled away, his arm wrapping around my stomach. He then leaned forward, lips ghosting over the burn while his other arm wrapped around my torso.

He pulled his head back now resting it on my other shoulder avoiding my wounds and softly whispered against my skin, "No one will hurt you any more I won't let them," he then placed another kiss on the burn before pulling away and walking out of the room.

A few minutes later he returned holding rubbing alcohol and bandages. I watched him warily not sure how to respond to what had happened earlier and not sure of his motive. He apparently noticed the looked and because he raised his hands up in a gesture of peace, dropping the bandages in the process. He smiled sheepishly and quickly began to collect the fallen bandages. He then set to work cleaning out and bandaging the wounds on my back. At the burn he stopped just looking at it.

"Why the cat?" he asked quietly shifting around to look me in the eye.

"Do you know the story of the zodiac?" I asked. I felt as though I owed him so information seeing as he took me in after having only met me once.

"Yes. I loved that story as a child but it upset me how the rat tricked the cat out of going to the party. Why?" I looked up startled at someone other than Tohru feeling bad for the cat.

"Yeah that story. I never fit in with my family and they always excluded me from everything. I could never do any thing right according to them. I always had to work twice as hard to do half as well in school. The only thing I was good at was fighting and I still can't beat Yuki no matter how hard I try. One of my cousins noticed the similarity between me and the cat and started to refer to me as it and it stuck," I said quietly refusing to meet Haru's eyes knowing that I'd be able to see him planning on kicking me out of his house and wishing he had never helped me. To my surprise Haru's arms encircled me pulling me to him, as he buried his face into my hair.

"You're better than all of them. You don't need to insult someone else just to feel good about your self. It's their problem that they can't see how great you really are," Haru whispered into my hair tightening his grip on me, "you're not going back to them I won't let you. You can stay here with me I've got plenty of room. You'll never have to see them again. Ever," on the last word he tightened his embrace even more, I gasped out at the pressure on my ribs.

"Oh sorry I forgot about your ribs. I really am," Haru said looking over my ribs once more, "I should finish bandaging you up. Though by the time I'm finished you might look like a mummy with all the welts you have on your arms. Is there any where else that's hurt?"

"No," I lied not meeting his eyes.

"Your lying," he said me still not meeting his eyes, "I will strip you down to find out. So just tell me."

"You changed my clothes shouldn't you already know?"

"Yes I did but I didn't think to look to see if you were hurt."

I sighed and gave in, "I've got more welts on my legs." Haru nodded and started bandaging my arm leaving the burn for last. Once he had finished with my arm he stared at the burn trying to decide whether to bandage it now or later.

"Just do it now to get it over with," I mumbled tiredly bracing my self for the burning sensation of the alcohol against my skin. However when it did come I couldn't stop myself from crying out. Haru immediately pulled the cloth away and waited until my pain had subsided and I told him he could continue. Once he had bandaged my shoulder he moved around till he was in front of me and stared expectantly.

"What?"

"I need to clean the welts on your legs," he said staring at me worried once more.

"Oh yeah sure," I said swinging my legs over the edge of the bed and undoing the ties on the pajama bottoms that were clearly too big on me.

"They were the smallest pair I have," Haru said with a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. As I stood up to pull the pants down he grabbed on to my arm to help steady me. Thankfully he had left my boxers on, keeping at least some of my scars hidden behind them. Haru then set to work cleaning and bandaging the welts on my leg, which there were thankfully less of.

"You tried to protect yourself didn't you?" Haru asked it coming out as more of a statement than a question. I nodded slowly keeping my eyes down, "you didn't cooperate either," he said his fingers brushing over my shoulder bruised from being yanked out of the socket.

"I'm glad you fought back. It shows that you haven't given up," I nodded sleepily leaning against him to remain sitting up.

"You should sleep your tiered," I shook my head not wanting to sleep in front of him incase I had a nightmare and woke him up, "I'll stay with you. Don't worry you'll be fine." He pulled me down with him on to the bed, pulling the covers up over us. I tried feebly to protest but quickly giving in to sleep.

WAH! It took me two days to write this and it's six pages in courier new 12 with out the authors note! But-but-fanfiction its only five not even and that includes both authors notes. bursts into tears at how evil fanfiction is please review make me feel loved. I'M SUPPOSED 2 BE AT A BILLY IDOL CONCERT RIGHT NOW BUT-BUT THEY CANCELED IT bursts into tears again


	5. chapter five

I would just like to say MY GOD is it hard to find a good Kyo angst storybut here aretwo good ones that I found gfo read them! ASHES and FREEDOM IN A CAGE(this one got kinda hard to follow half way through I think I might have missed a chapter somewhere)

JAWX THORN what the hell do you do to always be the first person to review my story? I mean really? It's knida scary but in a really cool way yeah that was defiantly the longest one yet um I think this is going like seven chapters I've got every thing planned out smiles evilly chapters I have everything planned out already now its just finding time to write it and not get it taken away during class that happened on the day that I was writing the first and second chapter I almost had a panic attack cuz my teachers taken away books I read and read them and I didn't want her to read that so I was praying shed through it out then I'd just rewrite it but I've got the worlds worst handwriting and she realized it wasn't homework so she just gave it back. I was ready to cry that's how happy I was. I live on the jersey shore (yeah we get snow and a lot we also probably start later in the year then you) you proly (to lazy to try and spell) live in one of those wonderful places that start school early and are warm all year round like Florida or Arizona (really want to move there don't like the cold or pine trees(allergies))

CLOTI gasp I made some one shudder oh that's so cool I was freaked out at how angsty this story was once I read it over too so your not alone I got al lot of it from reading vampire novels I bought at garage sales. Scary thing is I'm actually a really happy person which is why it's going to be a happy end though . and squeal I got a new reviewer! In regards to the fishnets there really comfortable if you happen to be accident prone and don't believe in band aids for some odd reason and you don't like having the scab get caught on your shirt. I discovered this after tripping down a flight of stairs and getting rug burn on my arm. My friend thought I was a moron though. It was kinda fun though except for the fact that I trip in the same spot every time. Meh

GAME-KID17 your confused? How? By what? I thought I was being really clear? I mean the not telling who the attacker is is going to be a major plot point in the next chapter or so and that's the only thing I can think of to be confused by! And I hinted at who it was in one of the chapters!

NIKKLER: you've got a good guess there but I'm not telling you who it is you'll find out in the last chapter (prolly 8) I'll send the next chapter 2 u my frined got stuck betaing this one

I felt my hands tied above me. I struggled to pull them free the ropes cutting into my wrists painfully. Then his breath was on my face, my struggles now becoming frantic. He smirked sadistically down at me, and then ripped my shirt from my body. He reached out and stroked down my chest, to the waist of my pants before bringing his hand up to my face as I continued to struggle for freedom. His fingers brushed over my face he then rubbed his thumb against my lip. I opened my mouth to protest and he slipped it inside. I bit down drawing blood. He yanked his thumb free and slapped me hard across the face. He dragged the nails down my chest viciously leaving bloody trails behind. He then yanked my pants down.

"I was going to prepare you first but seeing how uncooperative you're being I don't think I will," he hissed in my ear. My struggles now bordering on hysterical. Fear of what was to come gripping me.

I jerked awake almost falling off the bed when strong arms encircled me, holding me down. Not recognizing my surroundings I fought desperately for freedom. I toppled of the bed taking who ever was holding me down with me.

"It's ok. It was just a dream. It's ok. I'm Haru relax I'm just Haru. Nobody is going to hurt you I won't let them," Haru's voice said above me gently rubbing my back as I calmed down enough to realize where I was. I sat there in his arms shaking and trying to get my self to believe what he was saying. Once I had calmed down Haru pulled away, and tilted my chin upwards so that I could be face-to-face with him.

"What was your dream about?" Haru asked me gently rubbing my the back of my head. I shook my head not wanting to think about the day everything began, "If you don't tell what's been happening to you won't be able to help you. And I can't protect you from whoever's been doing this to you unless I know who did it," Haru whispered gently keeping eye contact wit me trying to convince me to tell him.

'I can't tell him if I do he won't believe me. Why should he my father didn't? He'll kick me out of his house if he finds out that it's more then just the cuts and bruises or who's been doing this to me. He'll think I'm disgusting if he knows the truth," I shook my head looking down trying to disguise the tears pricking at the edges of my eyes that had welled up at the thought of Haru hating me. I couldn't figure out where these feelings were coming from or why I had them for some one I had only met three days earlier.

"It's ok you don't have to tell me now. You can do it when your ready I'll wait. Don't worry about it," Haru continued to whisper as he pulled me to him once again.

"Kyo."

"What?"

"If you stayed here you wouldn't have to deal with who ever is doing this to you. They won't be able to hurt you if I'm here. I have more than enough room and I live close to the school," Haru suggested staring at me with eyes that seemed to look straight through me.

"What about your parents?"

"My mother is dead and don't live with my father anymore."

I watched him torn between going back home where I was comfortable and used to the routine or staying here safe with someone I barley knew but was irresistibly drawn too. "I'll stay here but I have to call Tohru. She doesn't know where I am," I said pulling away for the warmth of Haru's arms.

"Who's Tohru?" he asked staring at me once more.

"She's my sister. She's probably having a panic attack not knowing where I am. Where's the phone so I can call her?" Haru pointed behind over his shoulder into the adjoined room that I hadn't noticed until just now. I slowly pulled away not wanting to leave his protective embrace and walked into the other room in search of the phone. I found it quickly and dialed my home number. It rang five times before the answering machine picked up.

"Hey this is Kyo I was just calling to tell you that I'm ok and that I won't be home for awhile. I'm staying with my friend Haru right now. I'll see you… eventually. Until then don't worry about me. That includes you Tohru," I said whispering the last part into the phone. I stood there shaking I had just made it final that I would here with Haru. I couldn't back out now, even if I had wanted to. I felt Haru's arms encircle me bringing me back to lean against his chest.

"Don't worry it'll be ok," Haru whispered into my ear nuzzling his face into the back of my neck. I nodded still nervous about what would happen now that I was living with him.

"You should eat it's been days since you did last," Haru whispers in my ear pulling me gently into another room, while I tried to cope with the idea of leaving everything I knew behind.

'I deserve better than having to live with the abuse, at least that's what Haru thinks…but I don't. Haru barely knows me he doesn't know what I do. But how can something someone I just met thinks be right and what everyone else that's known me for so much longer be wrong? Wasn't I the reason my mom killed herself? To get away from me? Everybody has always told me that I shouldn't have been born so isn't the abuse what I deserve in return?'

"Here I made raman," Haru said placing a bowl down in front of me jarring me away from my thoughts.

"Huh?" I ask staring around me.

Haru smiles gently, while blowing on his raman, amusement sparking in his eyes. "I asked you what you wanted to eat but you were to lost in your thoughts to answer so I just made raman. I figured raman was a good thing to make since pretty mush everyone likes it and your still sick."

"Oh," I replied and started eating my own raman, the rest of the meal past in silence. Once finished Haru left walking into the living room, I turned around to watch him as he dug around in the closet before pulling back with a futon. He then pulled it into the bedroom, disappearing from sight. He then walked out a few minutes later.

He looked over to see me watching him and smiled, "like what you see?" he asked walking over and sitting back down In front of me. I looked at my raman trying to hide the embarrassed blush covering my cheeks.

"I set up a futon in the bed room that way if you have another nightmare I won't have to wander around in the dark trying to get to you from the living room," Haru said watching me as I pushed the raman around the bowl.

"wait your going to sleep on the futon? But it's your house! You should get the bed. It's not fair for me to take it," I said realizing what he was planning on doing.

"Exactly you're my guest. Plus your sick sleeping on the floor won't help your health any. Once I save up enough money I'll buy another bed. Or we could just share the one I already have," he added a small lecherous smile appearing on his face.

"Wha-"

'he just like everyone else. He just wants to…' Trying not to panic I looked up at him to see him trying to hold back laughter amusement sparking in his eyes at my reaction. Not able to control it Haru's laughter bubbled out.

'He was just joking. Joking. Just joking,' I told myself calming down. I glared angrily at him refusing to join in his laughter not finding anything funny about the situation still shaking slightly at the implications of what he had just said. 'I shouldn't be mad at him. He couldn't have known what has happened,' Haru stopped laughing almost immediately as he noticed the look on my face.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that. We just met and you don't know me that well," Haru said picking up my bowl of raman and washing it out in the sink as well as his own.

"There's a bathroom attached to the bedroom you can take a shower I'll find some clothes for you to wear."

I nodded and headed into the bathroom. Setting the water on the hottest setting I climbed in and washed trying not to think about Haru being right out side. I looked down at my legs and saw all the cuts there. They weren't caused by anyone except myself. I had started cutting during the first month in hopes of being able to take away the pain from what had been going on however it had only made it worse so in less than three weeks I had stopped, cursing myself for my weakness at not being able to go through with it and just kill my self and for my weakness of having wanted to get away from the pain by adding to it. Feeling the water run cold I got out of the shower and toweled off. There was a knock at the door as I wrapped the towel around my waist. I opened the door to find Haru holding out a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt. I took the clothes and headed bock into the bathroom pulling on the sweat pants, which were falling off my hip. I then pulled on the shirt thankful it was a button up and not a pullover.

As I walked out of the bathroom, and into the bedroom Haru looked up from his position on the futon and smiled staring at me as I pulled a comb through my hair.

"What are you staring at?"

"Nothing…your hair in the moonlight."

After he said that I starred at him dumbfounded and clueless as to how I should respond. I looked at him expecting him to be holding back laughter once again. However this time he was staring at me trying to convey what ever it was that he had left unsaid. My stomach seemed to have dropped out of my body and my lungs refused to work right as my heart clenched in something other than fear like the rest of my reactions had been. Haru's expressing darkened slightly before he plastered on a strained smile.

"Good night," he said lying down, pulling the blankets with him, and turning over facing away from me.

"Good night," I whispered back shutting off the light, and crawling into bed. As I laid there trying figure out what the feeling in my chest had been The feeling was somewhat similar to the feeling I got when I thought about Tohru. But somehow almost completely different.

yup back to short chapters sigh at least I'm posting on this fic the rest of mine died cuz I couldn't get anyone to read them. sob my friends wouldn't even read them. But this one I just lots of positive feed back and I can't pay my friends to read it! And so you should review this story cuz I'm just not loved by my friends.

REVIEW! THERE'S A REASON THAT BUTTONS THERE AND IT'S NOT TO LOOK PRETTY. IT'S THERE CUZ THERE NOTHING THAT MAKES ME HAPPIER THAN GETTING ANY KIND OF FEED BACK (other than going to a Billy Idol concert someone wanna hook me up with tickets?) AS LONG AS I MANAGE TO GET A REACTION OUT OF PEOPLE!


	6. chapter six

W00t chappie 6 . and I've gotten sixteen reviews! That's a record for me! Thanks to NIKKLER for being my beta that way I can be less OCD

JAWX THRON my teacher gave it back however getting the first page of the rough draft for chapter seven was hard to get back cuz I dropped it in the hall but you ppl are so amazing that I was willing to risk life and limb by gong back and bending down in the halway to pick it up (very dangerous to anyone but especially if ur under 4 11)

YVONNE I seem to be causing people to sudder and cry and generally be sad a lot its kinda kewl. I'm kinda a Mormon I already told like five other ppl I'd marry them but if your ok with that then sure I'll marry ya! My friends wont even read my story well one did but that was when FFN was PMSing and wouldn't let ppl log n or review and one of them (anzu2 (stupid bitch (that's said with as much (platonic) love and affection as it can possibly be said with))) is writing her own fic just to piss me off and compeate with me and neither of us are very good at the whole "friendly" competition thing so some one is going to die. I also have already bit a chunk out of her rough draft and ate it on the bus so I'm prolly weirder than you are if you were to ever meet me.

NOONE I said you had a good GUESS I never said anything about an answer! Thought I'd let you know. I mean you COULD be right or WRONG. I aint giving you the ending the answer gonna be in the last paragraph of the last chapter. Possibly sentence if I can work it. grins evilly if it makes you feel better I've been doing this to my friend to she's taken to threatening me. Yay someone cares about the concert being canceled! . they have billy idol doing welcome you've got mail except its hello in the midnight hour you've got mail I think it sounds kinda queer in a good way mostly cuz he's billy idol.

I spent most of the next two weeks alone in the apartment while Haru went to school and work. I felt bad about not being able to help pay for anything but he wouldn't let me leave the apartment until he was satisfied that I was completely healthy. So I spent most of the day sleeping or sitting in bed bored out of my mind only leaving the bedroom to bathe and eat. By the time Haru finally returned he was half awake and barely standing. Even so he refused to let me cook despite the fact that he had almost burnt the apartment down twice, only relinquishing when he almost set himself on fire when he fell asleep cooking. He only woke up when I accidentally dropped him on the floor when I was pulling him away from the stove. He however still insisted on making me breakfast even though I didn't wakeup until hours after he left and the food had long since cooled. Haru brought me my schoolwork, and explained the things I didn't understand even though he was falling asleep where he sat next to me against the headboard. Haru didn't bring up my past since the first night, though he would open his mouth to ask something but quickly closed it changing his mind. Other than what he had told me on that first night about his parents he never said anything about his past. I never asked him about it thinking it unfair to ask of him what I couldn't give myself.

Close to the time when Haru would be getting home I hauled myself out of bed and got showered. Then headed into the kitchen to begin cooking. I stared at the cabinets not finding anything to cook except some pasta and tomato sauce. Digging around in the fridge I found some cheese and not a whole lot else. Looking back at the pasta and sauced I decided to make an Italian dish I had helped Tohru make, before I moved out.

As I was sitting on the counter flipping threw the pages of my science book waiting for the timer to go off Haru walked in with a shopping bag he quickly stuffed into the closet.

"What are you making to day in your struggle to prevent me from burning down the building? Oh yeah the landlady sends her thanks about that." Haru placed his hands down on the counter on both sides of me leaning against the counter between my legs trapping me there.

I had grown used to his sporadic flirting and learned not to take it very seriously, and had stopped panicking every time he did. However some of his more lewd comments still caused me some fear. The feeling in my chest that I had gotten the first night still hadn't gone away, made it self known almost every time I simply looked at him. I still hadn't figured out what the feeling was but I felt a little happier every time I saw him. I'd spent less time thinking that there was no way what Haru had told me that first night could possibly be true. Maybe I did deserve better, I'd been somewhat happy for the past two weeks and hadn't been struck down on the spot and neither had Haru, even though he was always tired when he was home he at least seemed happy.

"Hey are you in there?" Haru asked tapping my nose his face barely an inch and a half away.

"Huh? Oh um dinner… I made lasagna, my sister taught me." Feeling a little uncomfortable I hesitantly pulled back. That really didn't do much of anything, Haru just leaned in more to accommodate the space I left between us.

"Mmmm Italian food. Yum." I sighed, he wasn't going anywhere, so I decided resting my head on his shoulder wouldn't be so bad. Just as I was getting comfortable the timer went off jarring me back to my senses. I pulled back sliding off the counter a tingling sensation spreading through me from where Haru had been leaning against me. As I pulled the lasagna out of the oven Haru placed plates on the table.

I set down the dish on a hot plate and severed some to both of us. I sat down next to him and waited for it to cool as Haru started shoveling it into his mouth as fast as he could scalding the roof of his mouth.

I smiled getting him a glass of water. Haru chugged the water almost choking in the process, and smiled up at me flashing all of his flawless teeth. The odd feeling in my chest came back ten-fold and I couldn't help smiling back.

"Thanks," he said pulling me onto his lap. I tried to pull myself away but he smiled and tightened his hold around me.

I felt his hot breath whispering against my ear, "Nah-uh. You're mine now. You're staying with me." His head then leaned forward to rest his head, grinning against my shoulder.

"Hey don't worry I just want to feed you." His smile grew as he pulled my plate towards him and scooped up a fork full of our dinner and held it up to my mouth. I reached out my hand to take the fork from him.

"Nuh-uh. I was going to feed you. And you deserve it since you worked so hard to make it," he said pulling the fork out of my reach.

"What? All I do is slee-" my protest was cut short however by Hare sticking the forkful of lasagna into my mouth. As I swallowed the mouth full he ate some.

"See isn't that so much better?" he asked holding out another forkful.

"Fine." I gave in and ate the lasagna. We continued eating dinner in that manner. Haru then picked me up and carried me into the bed room placing me down gently on the bed. He then placed a butterfly kiss on my lips before puling back. The feeling in my chest returned. It felt like my heart was going to explode. The kiss was sweet yet terrifying at the same time. This is something I've never felt with _him_. Panic gripped me. What if Haru turned out like _him._ What if he used me then throw me away? Haru seemed to sense my mental ramblings when pulled back from the kiss and was about ready to apologize. Until I brought my hands up to hold his face. Not knowing what I was going to do he didn't make a sound.

"Don't..." My voice come out in a horse whisper. Was I ready for this? Could I trust him? Yes, a voice with in me said. I decided to listen to and pulled him back down. Our lips met again it was light almost like the first one. It was a test that Haru would pass with flying colors. It broke again and gave him a smile a real one. Not forced or strained. He responded with a smile of his own met again in a desperate kiss. Trying to convey our feelings to each other.

"Are…you…ok with…this?" The kiss broke once more with a need for air, which we took in gasps.

"Yeah," I said leaning up towards him. He pulled back and nipped at my throat. I moaned as he kissed his way up to my ear lobe, nipping, and tugging my ear in one fluid motion. I gasped out my back arching towards him against my control. Haru rolled on to the bed next to me, muffled laughter bubbled out.

"What are you laughing at?" I sat up in frustration, while looking down at him, not getting what he found so amusing.

"You. You're just so cute," he said pulling me back down with him, "You've been freaked out every time I've even flirted with you, that, or you'd blush. I decide to kiss you, and you get upset when I pull away. And… and I… I just… didn't…ex... expect you to… to…" he then dissolved back into laughter burying his head into my back in an attempt to muffle it.

"Wha-" I then blushed looking down and realizing what he was referring to, "That- that wasn't on purpose!" I exclaimed blushing an even deeper red.

"I know. That's the funniest part. You're so adorable when you blush," he said kissing my cheek and pulling me closer to him.

"Haru?"

"Mm?"

"Where do you work?" I turned to face him feeling his body stiffens behind me.

"Don't worry about it. You don't have to work I make enough for both of us to live on." His voice was so sad, I didn't know what to make of it. Suddenly the atmosphere in the room changed with his tone. What was he hiding?

"You sure?"

"Yeah..." He seemed unsure pulling the blankets up over us. "Get some rest." The subject officially dropped I turned over facing him curled up and snuggling into Haru and the blankets.

"I know. That's the funniest part. You're so adorable when oyu blush," he said kissing my cheek and pulling me closer to him.

"Haru?"

"Mm?"

"Where do you work," I asked turning to face him feeling his body tense behind me.

"Don't worry about it. You don't have to work I make enough for both of us to live on," Haru said, voice dropping with a tinge of sadness behind it.

"You sure?"

"Yeah don't worry about it," he said pulling the blankets up over us, "get some rest." The subject officially dropped I turned over and curled up, snuggling into Haru and the blankets.


	7. chapter 7

IAN:walks on to stage clear throat ATTENTION IMPORTANT NOTICE: ok now that I've got your attention LILRAMONA and ANZU2 are having a friendly competition that will result in a longer story for you guys w00t! so go thank ANZU2 for that LILRAMONA was going to end it either this chapter or next but she changed her mind so that they can have the competition. The competition is WHO WRITES THE BEST ANGST! The RULES are as follows if YOU READ LILRAMONA'S story YOU MUST READ ANZU2'S story. You THEN REVIEW BOTH OF THEM saying what you liked and didn't like and whose you think is better BE HONEST! LILRAMONA and ANZU2 are going to be reading each others story. Hopefully there will be no more eating of rough drafts looks pointedly at LILRAMONA

LILRAMONA: big innocent eyes that are clearly guilty what? I was hungry. ANZU2 your rough draft was really good…in both writing and in taste. giggles and grins kinda evilly

IAN: your mom's rough draft tastes good puts whole weight on LILRAMONA

LILRAMONA: falls over from IAN's Weight IAN STOP LEANING ON ME AND DON'T YOU DARE MESS UP MY HAIR!

IAN: messes up hair then runs away from bo staff wielding LILRAMONA

LILRAMONA: try and see if you can find the Rocky horror quote in this chapter Haru says it kinda like Haru said the rent quote in chapter 5 I like using quotes that you'd have to know the sound track or movie really well to be able to find.

YVONNE MY WIFE! You'd better be participating in this competion your eagerness to help me out is what inspired it between me and ANZU2 that and our love for competion. Good luck on getting your red belt! I'm a red belt now but this is my halfway through my third year. Your karate school goes through belts really quickly mine has 10 before we get our black belt and we have to wait 3 months for our next one except brown red and pre-black then its six months. I like the fact that you have so much faith in me and want to fight for me however sparring's the only thing I'm really good at (ask ANZU2 she made me and SNoWBUNNY3 spar in her back yard as a going away present) and I like fighting my own battles I don't like getting help from other people I normally bite their heads off for trying to help me. But thanks for the offer. Keep doing karate it's a good outlet for pent up anger (mostly unsuspecting boys that go oh wow she's short and a girl I don't want to hurt her) NEVER underestimate the power of a feminist with a Napoleon complex it doesn't end well. .

CLOTI yup cutter kyo and a little bit a haru lovin for him too. And what would be Haru's secret? I didn't think I hinted at it that much or well at all other then making it know there is one.

ANZU2 YES! I TOOK A BITE OUT OF YOUR PAPER AND IT TASTED GOOD AND CRAZY SQUIRRELS EAT PAPER THAT'S WHY I DID IT DUH. we shall see who wins! Stupid bitch. Mlalm sticks tongue out at anzu I love you too (platonically) I even bought you a present actually I only paid for half of it SNOWBUNNY3 paid the other half. starts spazzing out and gets all happy ANZU SAID I WRITE BETTER. I GOT A COMPLIMENT AN ACTUAL COMPLEMENT THAT WASN'T HALF INSULT! Calms down and sits back in chair Thanks I know I've been working on my writing for the past year I've gotten really good then again anything compared to what I was writing last time I posted is threw the roof. And see anzu see see my story could be considered the best fic out there in this genre like my one reviewer said since my writing got sooooo much better and there are sooo few tear at least I can read yours . yeah I stole your smiley watcha gonna do about it? Your empty without it empty a hallow empty shell. And I WANT MY CDS AND MANGA BACK DON'T MAKE ME RAID YOUR ROOM I CAN DO THAT. I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE! What do you think of my portrayal of Ian does it seem like him?

MAYAN-DEVIL w00t go you your review number 20! Throw your self a party!

JAWX THORN yes I am the worlds tallest hobbit I could also probably figure out what you were trying to say since my thoughts don't make sense till I put them down on paper and even then they sometimes don't. also your slowing down in getting back to me in reviews by a lot I mean you were the fourth person to review!

I woke to the feeling of arms around my waist, and almost had a panic attack trying to remember what had happened the night before and figure out how HE managed to get to me with Haru—Haru…it was Haru holding me. I looked back over my shoulder to see Haru there smiling contently in his sleep and pulling me closer. Looking at the clock next to the bed I saw it was almost eleven-thirty.

"Haru…Haru wake up your late for school," I said shaking.

"It's win break, sleep good," Haru mumbled into the pillow pulling me closer, and going back to sleep.

"It's winter break already?" I practically shouted, nearly falling out of the bed.

"Huh? Yeah that thing with the snow, and time off, and Christmas, and all that," Haru said sitting up.

"I know WHAT winter break is. I just didn't know that it stared. It's almost Christmas and I haven't gotten you or Tohru presents."

"You don't have any money to buy them with."

"I have some in my wallet that was in my pocket unless it got stolen."

"It didn't get stolen its with your clothes in the bottom draw. Don't worry about getting me a present. Just cook me something that doesn't have the instructions on the back of the package."

"But-"

"Go back to sleep I'm tired," Haru said pulling me back against him. We didn't wake up again until close to three. Haru slid out of bed took a shower. When he came back he dressed in his usual clothes but went to the dresser and pulled out some other clothes and stuffed them into a plastic bag. Leaving for work he said that he would be home thirty minutes early before walking out the door. I then rolled out of bed, and looked in the bottom draw for my clothes. I found them there as Haru had said as well as what looked to be some of Haru's old clothes as well. I pulled out a pair of camouflage pants, and the black shirt I had worn the day he had found me unconscious. I then searched the draw for my wallet, once found I counted the money. I walked over to the closet and began to search through it for a coat that fit me. I finally pulled out a black leather jacket that was only a little to big on me, it wasn't exactly my taste but Haru would've freaked if he found out I went outside and didn't wear a jacket.

I set off down the street in search of a store that I could possibly find something for both Tohru and Haru. 'Me and Haru were dating now right? I mean what was last night if we weren't?' I almost had passed out from nerves right there at the thought of last night meaning nothing even if all we did was make out.

'I'll just ask him when he gets home. That's all I have to do. I mean Haru wouldn't just use me like that. He wasn't like HIM. They were like hot and cold nowhere near the same thing. Until the temperature rose to high then it felt cold…oh god Haru could just be using me…oh god.' I had to stop then and lean back against a brick wall to try and get my emotions back under control. Once I felt I could walk with out collapsing I continued down the street. However the further I got from the apartment I got the worse the area got.

I quickly found a jewelry shop and began looking around. I found a small silver bracelet with pink gems hanging from it that I thought Tohru would like, I planned on giving it to her when I saw her I school after break. Checking the price I discovered I could buy it and still afford to buy something for Haru. On the way to the register I saw a necklace with a sword that was about three inches long hanging from it. Close to the hilt of the sword there was an outline of a cat carved into it. Looking at I smiled and knew I had to get it for Haru, he'd love it, it matched his taste in clothing and jewelry and I could always be close to him with the cat carved into it.

As I was walking out of the store after purchasing the presents I saw a flash of white. I turned to look at where I had seen the flash and there was someone in black leather pants, as the torso was already out of view, getting into the passenger seat of a car that then sped off down the road. I tilted my head slightly at the idea of someone else having the same hair color as Haru but shrugged it off as just my mind playing tricks on me, I had been spending a lot of time with Haru or thinking about him when he wasn't around.

Getting home I hid the presents in a cabinet knowing that Haru wouldn't do anything remotely resembling cooking if I was there to do it instead. My stomach growled loudly and I began making raman for lunch. After I had finished eating I walked in to the bathroom planning on taking a shower, however when I had pulled off my boxers I saw the scars from before I had met Haru vivid pinks and purples against my pale skin. I reached shakily toward the razor on the sink. The blade was pressed against my flesh before I could think about what I was planning on doing. I looked down at my thigh trying to pull my arm away but a voice in the back of my head whispered to me about how good I would feel once I had let the blood flow out of me. My hand began to press down but an image of Haru flashed through my mind unbidden. I had been happy with Haru. I hadn't cut myself for two weeks and I still felt fine. Maybe I didn't need to continue cutting I'd though slowly pulling the blade away from my skin and putting it back on to the sink. I shakily clambered into the tab and ran the water as hot as I could trying to put the razor that was only a few feet away from me. After I had finished washing up and getting dressed I left the bathroom as fast as I could hoping that if I couldn't see the razor I wouldn't think about it. I wandered around the apartment trying to think of something to do but every few minutes I'd find myself back in the bathroom looking at the razor, thinking about whether or not Haru was just using me like HIM.

I found myself holding the razor to the flesh on my thigh just barely pressing down when Haru's voice rang out through the apartment. Startled I jerked my hand the razor digging deep into my flesh. I bit back a cry of pain and hopped over to the sink and quickly washed off the razor and placed it down where it had been originally.

"Kyo. Kyo are you here?" Haru's worried voice called out.

"Yeah. Just give me a minute," I called back searching the cabinet for a band-aid that I knew was some where in there. Quickly bandaging the cut I then walked out of the bathroom trying to act like nothing had happened. Almost walking directly into Haru, I stumbled back into the bathroom. Tripping over my own feet I fell backwards landing on the hard tile floor.

"You ok?" Haru asked kneeling down in between my legs and grinning impishly down at me.

"Yeah you just scared me a bit," I replied shakily starting to sit up. Haru leaned forward and crawled up my body forcing me to lie back down.

"Good I wouldn't want to have accidentally broken my boyfriend before we went out on our first date," Haru whispered, lips brushing against mine before stealing a small kiss, as I laid there stunned at his ability to know what was bothering me and fix it with out me having to say a word.

"So what do you say about us making dinner together. Even though I tend to burn everything including water and thought that there was milk in cookies the first time I made them, I think if you help me I could actually manage to make something edible," Haru asked pulling back and sitting down on my thighs.

I bit back a wince as Haru's weight rested against the cut on my thigh, "that'd be great just do exactly what I say. One question though why would you put milk in cookies your supposed to put the cookies into the milk."

"I know the cookies kind of burned and were like really liquidy," Haru said smiling sheepishly while pulling me to my feet. We made hamburgers for dinner since they were fairly easy to make and it would take a decent amount of effort to mess them up. However Haru did manage to burn the first one he made to crisp. After dinner Haru took a shower. Thirty minutes later Haru still hadn't emerged from the bathroom.

"Haru you ok in there?" I asked knocking on the door. I waited ten minutes filled with absolute silence before knocking on the door again, "Haru? HARU! Look Haru if you don't respond in the next ten seconds I'm coming in."

I waited less then seven seconds before my nerves gave out and I burst through the door. I slid across the wet tile floor just barely catching my self on the edge of the tub. Stretched across the tub I quickly caught my breath and looked down to see the tub filled with bubbles just before two arms reached up and yanked me downwards and into the tub fully clothed as Haru's head emerged form the bubbles, a wicked grin spread across his face. Spluttering I shook my wet hair out of my eyes and attempted to get out of the tub, prevented however buy Haru's arms tightening around me.

"Hey relax. Come swim the waters of sins of the flesh," Haru said pulling me closer to him.

"Are you even wearing any clothes!" I practically yelled jerking away from him and nearly falling over the edge of the tub, before managing to pull my self out. Sliding on the now soaking floor I fell backwards grabbing on to the edge of the sink to keep myself from falling. I felt the razor bite deep into my flesh, hissing I jerked my hand back, and fell to the ground. I stumbled to my feet and out of the bathroom and into the kitchen with my hand cradled protectively to my chest, my mind racing.

'Haru's like everyone else exactly like everyone else. He doesn't really like me. He-he- he just-just-he just wants-wants w-what- everyone else wants what HE wants,' these thoughts spun around my head faster and faster my fear increasing as I leaned over the sink washing the blood off my hand. My stomach lurched, and I yanked my hand bock out of the stream of water and emptied my stomach into the sink. I was shaking so hard that I couldn't stay standing. As my legs gave out and I began to fall to the ground Haru's arms wrapped around as he eased me to the ground and held me in his arms despite my desperate attempts to get away from him.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you I thought it would be funny I didn't mean for you to panic. I really didn't. I was wearing my pants…still am. You know we're getting my kitchen floor soaked right? Kyo, Kyo calm down and listen to me," Haru said turning me around to face him. he was wearing soaking wet pants with bubbles covering them like he had said and the puddle under us was growing rapidly.

"Kyo I didn't mean to scare you it's just sometimes I don't think before I act. I'm sorry," Haru said looking directly into my eyes his emotions showing clearly. Nodded unable to speak under the intense gaze, "Let me see your hand," Haru said gently pulling my hand toward him, his brow creased as he wiped some of the blood away from the cut only to have more quickly replace it.

"You should go to the hospital this is really deep you could've cut the artery," Haru said helping me stand up. I shook my head quickly thinking of the last time I had gone to the hospital, "Kyo you have to go it could be really serious." I pulled my hand away and began backing up bumping into the table shaking my head even harder.

"Kyo why won't you go? If your afraid of hospitals its ok I'll be there with you, but you have to go. Kyo," Haru said leaning down so that he was eye level with me, "if you tell me why you don't want to go to the hospital I won't make you go I'll see what I can do myself but if it doesn't stop bleeding in the next twenty-four hours I'm gonna have to take ok?"

I stared at Haru torn between telling him why I didn't want to go to the hospital and actually having to go to the hospital, either way I had to face the memories of what happened the last time I went to the hospital.

"I'll tell you what happened," I said shakily not looking up at Haru's face. He gently led me back into the bathroom and sat me down on the toilet lid while he pulled bandages and rubbing alcohol out of the cabinet under the sink from where I had shoved them earlier in the day. Haru quickly cleaned and bandaged my hand before leaving the room to return with sweat pants and a t-shirt for e to change into. While he was handing me the clothes a white scar across his palm stood out brightly against the flesh of his palm exactly where the cut on my hand was. He then left closing the bathroom door. I quickly changed out of my soaking wet clothes and into the dry ones, stepping out of the bathroom I headed into the kitchen to see Haru in a dry pair of pants moping up the kitchen floor. Looking up he quickly put the mop away and pulled me out of the room and into the living room sitting me down on the couch he looked at me waiting for me to start explaining. Taking a deep breath I slowly began.

"The last time I was in a hospital was after my mom died," I paused and looked into Haru's face his eyes encouraging me to continue, the words spilling quickly from my mouth now in an attempt to get out before I lost my nerve, "my mom she hated me. She was afraid of me. She would never let me leave the house because of that fear. She lied and pretended to love me she always said that was the reason she wouldn't let me leave the house. But she hated me and couldn't deal with having me for a son she loved Tohru but apparently the bad out weighed the good and she killed herself the day before my eighth birthday. I saw her body in the hospital. My relatives were there but I couldn't cry in front of them. They cursed at me and pitied my mother for having been stuck with me as a child they talked about how- how I didn't even cry when she died, and how I was a monster," I finished tears pricking at the edges of my eyes as I fought to keep myself from breaking down. Haru's arms slid around me and pulled me to his chest, whispering to me how it wasn't my fault. His words as comforting as they were they sent me over the edge. I buried my head into his chest my shoulders shaking as sobs wracked my frame. I clung to Haru's frame desperately, as he rubbed my back soothingly. After ten minutes of sobbing nonstop my tears died down to small sniffles. Haru gently picked me up and carried into the bedroom. Yanking back the covers he placed me down on the bed telling me that he'd be back after he finished cleaning up the bathroom and kitchen. I nodded sleepily and closed my eyes asleep before Haru had even left the room.

EVERYONE I'M ON MYSPACE GO LOOK UP LILRAMONA it might be chibi risu-chan though but that's only if I cant figure out how to change my name on there (yes I really am that hopeless) ANZU2 the wonderful person that she is made the account for me since I was to lazy to do it myself I actually never make my own account for anything SNOWMBUNNY3 I(I wrote the second chapter of her story go read) made my fanfiction account you'll know its my myspace cuz there'll be billy idol as my back ground yes I am very obsessed with this guy


	8. Chapter 8

EVERYONE: GO VISIT ME AND BE MY FRIEND ON MY SPACE! I'munder lilramona to make it easier for you ppl. I also am going to have HINTS AT WHO KYO'S ATTACKER IS ON THERE! I keep almost putting in kyo's ataccers name instead of Kyo's good thing I don't actually talk to you guys other wise the secret would be out and that'd be bad (it might end up on the myspace though .)Also I've got finals coming up next week so its gonna be a little harder for me to up date since I'm oh I don't know trying to not fail them? I think? Any way I've got the um next Monday off since I'm exempting math(my fav subject just don't feel like taking it) and the other period is lunch home all day meaning more story for you!

NOTGOINGTOTELLYOU: why do you not wish for me to not know you identity? I feel soo unloved but woot new reviewer!

NOONE I'm not telling you if it was or wasn't haru wherers the fun in that?

ORUCHUBAN EBICHU WOW I have a lot of perverted reviewers with bad bad bad bad baaaaaaad minds even though I'm one of those ppl that's not the point

SOHMA SHIGURE you wish to eat me why? I write as often as I can except when I'm reading queen of the damned cuz mi friend wishes to barrow it but won't take it out of the library I've got only 100 pgs left! I've also been reading it since September meh its not my fault I'm easily distracted

DRUSCILLA HAWKE you loved me enough to review! Other than anzu no one else will tear glad you like it!

JAWX THORN you must kill your sisters they do not know who THE BILLY IDOL IS! they also interfear with the R&Ring and that's baaaaAAAAAAAAAaaad I am more then willingf to eat your siblings for you yes I ate her rough draft I was mad and believe if it annoys you eat it. I also belive in canabilism too note the offer to eat siblings Kyo's past this chapter Haru's past might be never. Might be nest chapter might be a spin off story dunno yet

YVONNE you can be as blond as you want I'm a brunett and very rarely do I not act like a ditz unless I'm in school then I'm one of those horrible ppl that seem to know everything that I hate with a passion except no one really thinks of me like that cuz when I answer questions I normally phjrase things kinda oddly like how some contries economy went bad I started doing the sound effects from psyco and talking about how it got killed than resurrected but not like on buffy with a motercycle demon gang (see why ppl don't think I'm a pain in the ass know it all? I always seem to need to be on medication for untreated ADHD or A-D-D add! (I said a-d-d when my teacher put add on the board in math))

ANZU2 you didn't review but well I wish to tell you some thing you know the kissing seane that's all cute and fluffy in the first long paragraph I wrote as I see you writing it. And hits space bar to hard then hand moves jerkily they kissed PERIOD. full body twitch eew twitches again oh yeah I've got to go finish reading through amber eyes. listen to my tale bitch!

LOVEANIMESOMUCH yaoi is a male male pair which this story most defiantly is yaoi also makes some people much like myself very…HAPPY .

lemon skittles being thrown about you all know what that means! If you don't damn your dense starts catching lemon skittles in mouth yum skittles TASTE THE YOAI!

I woke up to see Haru coming into the room carrying a tray with bowls of cereal on it.

At my curios glance he smiled and held the tray up higher "yeah I tried to cook, but… it well… it didn't work very well. Sooo cereal?"

" I thought I was supposed to be cooking for you today."

"Only dinner. So yay or nay?"

"Yay? If you didn't try to cook it. You didn't try to cook the cereal did you?"

"Only the first time," he said placing the tray on my lap and then climbing over me and sitting down on the bed, we ate in silence. Me lost in my thoughts of the previous night. After we had finished eating Haru placed the tray on the floor and poked my cheek startling me.

"You ok?" he asked looking at me with a tinge of sadness in his eyes.

"Huh? Oh last night…yeah…I think so," I mumbled staring down at my bandaged hand. Haru's fingers wrapped around mine startling me out of the thoughts I was about to sink into.

"It wasn't your fault she killed herself. Don't ever let anyone tell you other wise," Haru whispered pulling me into his arms, "Kyo pay attention I'm serious it wasn't your fault. She was probably depressed or something like that. There's no chance she would have killed herself because of you."

"You weren't there you've never met her she hated me I wasn't supposed to have been born. She didn't want me and couldn't deal with having to see me every day. She didn't want any one to know about me. She didn't want to do what she had to, to be able to take care of me and Tohru! She didn't want to have a son! She killed herself be…because she…she didn't… didn't want…people to know that…that she…she was a…a whore," I broke down sobbing bitterly once more clutching Haru's pajama top in my hands as though I would end up back in the hospital looking at my mom's dead body once again. Haru's arms tightened around me as he buried his head in my hair, his tears sliding into my hair, dampening it where they fell, as mine soaked his shirtfront. Haru held me until my sobs had subsided and I sat there in his arms hiccupping quietly. He pulled back and wiped my face with his shirtsleeve before gently pulling me towards him. He placed a gentle kiss on my lips. The kiss seemed to be full of need and desperation as if he was afraid of loosing me as I was of loosing him. we parted and Haru rested his head against my shoulder, arms still wrapped around me.

"You won't leave me no matter what I do right? Even if I don't tell you everything about me you'll stay as long as I don't hit you right? Just as long as I don't hurt you right?" Haru asked looking up at me eyes shining from unshed tears. I nodded wordlessly unable to say a word at the emotions coursing through me. All the while thinking that even if Haru did hurt me in any way that I'd stay with him. He was the first person, other than Tohru, to treat me like I wasn't a monster. I pulled him closer and kissed him gently on the lips conveying everything I felt for him. Gently he pushed me onto my back his lips no longer on my mouth but sucking and nipping at my neck. His fingers began to play with the buttons on my shirt; he lifted his head looking me in the eyes, and then cocked his head to the side in question. Slightly dazed I nodded my ok and allowed him to unbutton my shirt. Working his way down my throat, Haru gently massaged my nipple rolling it into a hard nub. His mouth continued lower and lower down my boy eliciting small gasps and moans. His mouth covered my other nipple. His teeth nipping and tugging at it as I moaned out in pleasure writhing under him. I felt him smirk against my chest as he licked at my nipple. Once he had both my nipples rolled into hard little nubs he continued down my stomach dipping his tongue into my navel. I gasped out arching into his touch. A small chuckle escaped Haru's mouth as he pulled back away from my stomach before his lips met with mine again. My lungs were burning from lack of air but I couldn't bring myself to pull away from his touch spots started to float before my eyes just as he pulled back gasping for breath my sight cleared quickly as fresh air filled my lungs. Haru smiled down at me, and then rested his head against my chest a lazy smile spread across his face as he slipped back into sleep. Me following suit a few minutes later.

When I next woke it was a little after noon and it had begun snowing. I nudged Haru awake and then headed towards the bathroom for a shower. As I walked past the sink I see that Haru had put the razor away last night to keep either of us from getting hurt and helping to get rid of temptation. I stripped off my clothing and quickly shower. Wrapping a towel around my waist I head into the bathroom searching through my draw for something to wear. I pulled out a pair of black pants that are slightly too big on me, and a camouflage shirt. I walked into the kitchen to the sight of you staring pathetically into the fridge.

"Want some help there?" I asked smiling slightly at Haru's thankful nod. I went over to the fridge and pulled out some leftovers and started to heat them up.

"Know what today is?" Haru asked sitting on the counter watching me as I pulled plates out of the cabinet.

"Christmas eave?" asked a small half smile crossing my face as I pulled the leftovers out of the oven splitting them between two plates and handing Haru one before joining him on the counter.

"Yup so you know we have to do something special before I go to work right?"

"Your working today? But its Christmas eave can't you take the day off?" I asked joining him on the counter.

"No everyone else has a family or kids that they want to spend the day with. But don't worry I'll be here until late tonight." Haru said pulling me to him.

"How late?"

"Like two in the morning you'll be half asleep by that time so don't worry. Besides I'll be home before you wake up," Haru said quickly kissing the side of my face.

"All right," I say slightly disappointed. We finished eating and spent the rest of the day in compatible silence. I cooked dinner as I had promised, we then continued to just sit around, Haru reading and me watching him trying to figure out what his job was. Close to eleven Haru went over to the closet and pulled out the plastic bag he had brought home earlier in the week.

"What's that?" I asked rolling over on the couch to look at him.

"Part of your present but you have to go get changed now so that week make it there on time," he said throwing the bag to me. Looking into the bag I pulled out a blond wig gold boxers and gold sneakers.

"I am not wearing these," I said putting the stuff back into the bag.

"But you have to its no fun otherwise. Besides I'm going to be wearing a corset. Its part of the fun everyone goes in costume," Haru said shoving me into the bathroom and closing the door behind me. Trying the door I could feel Haru in the other side pulling it closed. Sighing I quickly pulled on the boxers. I was glad to see that they came down almost to my knees completely covering the scars on my thighs. I pulled on the shoes and looked at myself in the mirror laughing at how ridiculous I looked. Haru then burst into the bathroom in fishnets, a purple corset and matching underwear.

"You're going to wear that in public?" I asked feeling my jaw drop.

"Absolutely besides don't you feel better about what your costume now?" He asked putting the blond wig on my head and adjusting it.

"Uh…yeah…I think," I said still staring at him wondering how he could pull off looking halfway attractive in the outfit he was wearing.

"Come on we're going to be late," Haru said pulling on black glittery high heels, grabbing some money and his keys, and stuffing both down the front of his corset. Snorting despite my attempts to cover it up I watched Haru stumble around the apartment making sure he had everything. He then grabbed my hand and pulled me out the door. We walked down the street with Haru stumbling every few steps until we reached an old movie theater with a small crowd of people in costumes walking around in front of it. As we walked in I saw two girls around my age. One was wearing a gold sequined leotard, and tap shoes with red hair, while the other had on a maids outfit with frizzy uncontrolled hair. The girls were singing and dancing behind a gold top hat on the floor.

"Oh come on people give us at least a little bit of money. We don't have enough to get in!" yelled the girl with frizzy hair.

"You people suck! The two of us can act out the entire damn movie," yelled the girl with red hair.

"Should we give them some money?" I asked looking at the two girls who were still shouting at the crowd.

"You want to?" Haru asked looking at me. He then walked over to the girls with out waiting for a reply and began whispering to them before walking back over too me leaving the girls with happy smiles. Bursting in to a different song the two of them began dancing and trying desperately not to laugh as they pretended to group each other while singing. When they were finished Haru walked over to them and gave them both enough money to get in.

"Oh yay money from your man boob," they chorused before bursting into laughter.

"Thanks!" yelled the one with frizzy hair starting to walk off.

"Don't thank me. He's the one that wanted to give you money."

"Thanks! You make a really sexy Rocky!" the two yelled before running off. I looked at Haru in question but all I got was a small smile and a 'you'll see in a few minutes.' He then pulled me on line to buy tickets, and then headed into the theater.

"Hope you don't mind that we aren't getting anything to eat but I gave those girls the money I brought for food," he said heading down the aisle looking for seats. The two girls shouted and waved us over to sit with them.

"Hi I'm Squirrel, Magenta for the night," said the girl in the maids uniform.

"And I'm Sam AKA Columbia," said the one in the leotard.

"I'm Haru or-"

"FRANKIE!"

"Yes and this is Kyo or Rocky as you pointed out earlier."

"Kewl," said squirrel looking over at Sam with a wicked look in her eye while scratching her eyebrow.

"We've got popcorn we'll share…possibly…Squirrel!"

"Ne?"

"Don't eat all the popcorn we're sharing with them too."

"yeah sure they did pay for us to get in," Squirrel said tilting the bag of popcorn towards us.

We sat down and waited for the movie to start. Haru and the girls spent the movie shouting out lines, throwing things, singing, and dancing in their seats. After the movie we sleepily walked out of the theater said our goodbyes and walked back to the apartment. I changed groggily into a pair of boxers. Falling onto the bed I quickly began to fall asleep.

Hey I'm going to work now," Haru said leaning over me. I nodded vaguely and went to sleep.

I woke to the feel of a gag being stuffed into my mouth. I jerked sideways trying to get free.

"You know being gore for over two weeks and living with someone with that kind of reputation one has to wonder what you have been up to," he said straddling my waist. He wrapped his fingers around my wrists crushing them he quickly bound them together. I struggled desperately as he quickly stripped me of me boxers. He then forced me on to my stomach my face shoved down into the pillow nearly suffocating me as he unfastened his pants. I felt the bed shift as he came up behind me. He yanked my hips up keeping one hand pressed against the back of my head. He paused for a second behind me, I could feel the heat coming off of him. he then thrust hard and deep into me. I cried out against the gag feeling myself tear. He continued to thrust into me my blood becoming lubricant. I cried out desperately against the gag. He came forcefully coating my insides. He then pulled out while grabbing my hair and forcing me to bend back, my spine cracking loudly as tears streamed down my face.

"Not a word. Not a word to anyone," he growled out shaking my head violently with every syllable. I nodded whimpering at the pain in my scalp and my rear. He dropped me back down into my pillow un binding my hands.

"Don't think that just because you run away it means that I won't find you. You left a fucking message say where you were staying you fucking moron," he shouted punching my hard in my still healing ribs. I cried out curling up into a ball.

"Oh but I can't leave any marks on you, your little whore'll find them and be mad at me won't he?" he said pulling the gag out of my mouth and getting off the bed.

"Wha—What do you mean Whore?" I asked struggling to move around so that I could look at him.

"Exactly what your mother was before she killed herself because she didn't want to have anything to do with you," he said walking out the door.

Shaking I crawled out of the bed over to the bathroom. Fumbling through the cabinets I found the razor and shakily brought it to my thigh. The bite of the blade a reassuring feeling to me, I watched the blood bubble to the surface my shaking slowly subsiding.

'He found me. He came after me while in Haru's apartment…He…he…he's going to come back. And…and Haru. HARU- Haru lied he lied to me. He came after me even while I was here…and…and his job…his job…'

Picking up the razor once again I dragged it viciously across the top of my thigh trying to control the fear and rage welling up inside me. After ten minutes my mind was blissfully empty as I began to take a shower washing away everything. After the shower I bandaged my thigh pulled on a pair of boxers and went into the living room to wait for Haru's return.


	9. Chapter 9

THIS IS GOING TO BE A TRILOGY! (yes those things I hate so much (no clue why either)) THIS IS GOING TO BE THE SECOND. DON'T QUESTION MY MADNESS! THE FIRST WILL BE TITLE FORMING THE CYCLE it will be about haru and currently has the first chapterbeeing written it should come out soon the third will be BREAKING THE CYCLE incase you didn't notice the name change for this one its now CONTINUING THE CYCLE that's pretty much it for now.

I'M FREEEEEEEEE! NO MORE SCHOOL! THIS IS LITERALLY THE FIRST THING I'M DOING FROM GETTING OUT OF SCHOOL! HAPPY SUMMER!

EVERYONE JAWX THORNE and ORUCHUBAN EBICHU deserve to have a party thrown in their honor they are the only two that have figured out who it is!

DRUSCILLAHAWKE don't kill me if that's spelled wrong you've known me since 5ht grade you should be used to it by now. HAHA NOOOOOOOOOO I shall never tell you who it is burt I'll give you a hint: I hate him with a passion that burns with the fires of a thousand suns.

JAWX THORN CONGRATS! You're the first to figure out who it is! no I didn't have a mood swing I just really like contrast. Yes I'm evil very very evil I even took a quiz as to what kind of yoai writer I am and I got that I'm an evil yoai writer grins I LOVE Frankie he's soo amazing I have the DVD the sound track and a pin w/ him on it. Your sibs I would like a nice medium rare. You are sooo lucky to get a thunderstorm I love them find some way to send it to me! (they make me want to write)

ORUCHUBAN EBICHU can't you have a name that's easier to write? I can't spel for beans that's why I worship spell check CONGRATS! You're the second to figure out who it is! you want Kyo angst and torture? TRY THIS! And don't worry I'm a little schizo too so its all good

YVONNE why'd you almost puke? But w00t another 110 outa 100

MADTV4EVER tell your friend to review if they aren't already. Sry 4 making you cry also I decided to add an extra section to chapter 8 (rocky horror thing) so finding out kinda got bumped back to this chapter

I sat on the bed waiting until close to four in the morning when Haru walked in the door, the numb feeling had disappeared replaced by rage and hurt.

"Hey what are you doing up?" Haru asked pulling off a fishnet shirt.

"What is it that you do for a living?" I asked on my feet, glaring at him.

Haru looked at me shame in his eyes, "I get the feeling you already know," he whispered looking down.

"You lied to me. You're a—a—a whore and you just decided to leave that out? Didn't you think that I had the right to know? You could have—if we had—I could've—if we'd—"

"I got tested the day I found you. I wanted to make sure. I was going to tell you but then you told me about your mother…I didn't want you to leave because of what I do," he took a step forward reaching out to touch my face.

"NO!" I pushed his arm away from me, "Don't touch me! I don't want to ever see you again!" I yelled at him.

Blinking he took a step back nodding slightly he grabbed the shirt he had just pulled off, and grabbed a jacket from the living room continuing out the door without looking back. My shaking legs gave out beneath me as I began sobbing bitterly. As I gained control over my tears, and began to slip into a troubled sleep the sun was just beginning to rise.

I woke up sore everywhere from sleeping on the floor. As I began to stand a sharp pain in my ass caused me to gasp and sink back to the floor. Images from the night before flashed through my mind. Rocky Horror, him finding me, cutting my thigh, Haru coming home, creaming at Haru, Haru leaving, Haru…

'Haru I—I didn't want you to leave. I shouldn't have… I didn't—I didn't mean to say that I—I want you. I—I meant it. I really did when I told you I would stay with you.'

"Haru…Haru come back please…please…you…you have to you—you live here…" I whimpered beginning to cry again.

'He lives here…'

"You're going to come back," I whispered looking up and getting control of my tears. I looked at the clock across the room. It was almost four in the afternoon. I stumbled into the kitchen after pulling on a pair of clean pants. I began to make dinner. Placing it on the table I sat down, before getting back up, and retrieving Haru's present form the cabinet and placing it down next to his plate. Waiting for Haru to come home I picked at my own dinner. Some time around noon the next day I drifted off to sleep where I was sitting.

The next time I woke it was close to three in the morning, and Haru still hadn't come home. I walked into the living room and turned on the TV. Flipping through the channels I stopped at a new station.

"Earlier today a male prostitute was found murdered near the fountain of Tokyo's park. The man has not yet been identified, a picture shall be released of him if you know anything about the man in this picture or his killed please notify us immediately," the news woman said as a picture of Haru showed up on the screen.

Shaking barely holding back tears I walked over to Haru's present and opened. Walking over to the bathroom I sat down on the toilet holding the sword in front of my eyes watching it spinning as tears streamed down my face. I grabbed a hold of it leaving a good inch and a half of the blade bare.

Shaking I held out my wrist, bringing it down I felt it burry it self into my wrist. I dragged it sideway opening the wound further allowing more blood to escape. Watching the blood surface quickly staining the pants I was wearing a dark red.

Switching the necklace to my other hand I rested my other wrist against my knee. I swiftly brought the necklace down onto my wrist hitting the nerve my arm spasmed as a tingling fire raced up to my shoulder. Gasping I yanked the small knife out of my wrist, clutching it as I slid down to the floor shaking. Blackish purple spots slid past my eyes. Gasping I collapsed completely down to the floor passing out.

Looking up at Tohru I slid the notebook I had been writing in toward her. We sit in silence as she reads I look around the room as she reads, its white but not as bad as it was before when I had first woke up after Tohru had found me so close to death on the bathroom floor last month. Tohru had brought me flowers and cards when she came to visit everyday.

Tohru looks up at me tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, "Why didn't you tell me?" she asks quietly staring at me as her tears start down her face.

Looking down at my hands I watch my bandaged wrists as I shrug silently refusing to speak.

"Kyo please talk to me again. I miss talking to you. It isn't your fault he died," Tohru said touching my arm, and staring up at me.

I shake my head. I know I can't say anything anymore. Nothing good ever comes from it. I know that what I said to Haru is what caused him to die.

"I have to go now, but I'll be back tomorrow," Tohru said leaning forward, and hugging me. I tense, and quickly pull back; I walk over to the nightstand next to the bed. I pull out the present I got for Tohru, and try to shove the draw closed with my right hand. Sighing quietly I nudge the draw shut with my hip instead, and walk back over to Tohru, and hand her the present. She slowly unwraps the present and smiles.

"Oh Kyo I love it," she says putting it on and then pulling me into another hug, burring her face in my shoulder. I tilt my head forward, my hair falling over my eyes as my heart clenches wishing desperately it was Haru hugging me instead.

After Tohru left I sit in my room looking at my bandaged wrists. I flex my fingers the ones on my left hand movin easily while the ones on my right twitch feebly. I had severed the tendons and nerves when I had tried to kill myself, causing the cut to hurt so badly and now the sporadic twinges of pain.

Some time later Dr. Sohma walked in he has asked me to refer to him as Hatori but it doesn't really matter either way since I still won't say anything.

"Kyo are you ready to tell me what happened?" he asked sitting down on the edge of the bed watching me watch my hands. Looking up I tilt my head to the side before walking over to the chair Tohru was sitting in earlier, I pick up the notebook, and hand it to Dr. Sohma. I sit down and begin picking at the bandages on my wrists while he reads.

"You do realize that Haru's death was not your fault right?" he asks pulling Tohru's chair over to sit in front of me. I nod I don't believe him but I did believe Haru when he had said it.

"Hatsuharu wouldn't want you to stop speaking just because he died," I nod again. I now all of this I've heard it several times in the past month but still can't believe it or bring my self to speak.

"You didn't say who did all of this though," Hatori said watching me carefully.

"Do you want to tell me who it was?" he asks sliding the notebook over to me. I take it staring at it in indecision. Finally I pick up the pen awkwardly in my left hand. I continue to stare at the paper trying to convince myself that it would make a difference. Shakily I write down one word, and slide the notebook back to him. his eyes widen as he stares at the one word I wrote down.

'Yuki'

OWARI

looks around and smiles sheepishly before running from angry mob of pitchfork wielding readers PLEASE REVIEW I WANT TO GET TO FIFTY WITH THIS STORY! AND DON'T KILL ME I DON'T WISH TO BE TURNED INTO AN ACTUAL SQUIRREL MUFFIN I WANT THAT TO REMAIN JUST A STRANGE NICKNAME I CAN'T GET RID OF!


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